Every person is a composite of the experiences, events, relationships, and influences they have had in life. It’s a rich narrative tapestry that shapes our beliefs, attitudes, values, and world views. The late Neil Stroul, an influential leadership coach, described it this way: we all “ride in on a story.” The story we ride in on is the lens through which we perceive and interpret everything that is shaping our reality. That is, the narratives we carry with us significantly influence how we communicate, how we understand others, and how we respond to situations. Imagine a job interview where a candidate expresses a preference for a hybrid-work arrangement, and the interviewer draws a conclusion about their level of commitment and diligence. Or consider a conversation between a supervisor and subordinate, on the importance of a work-life balance, that feels confusing and leads to frustration and misunderstanding.
While we may want to believe we are impartial, objective, and able to suspend judgment in the workplace, this is not always the case. The truth is that we all bring our past experiences, current beliefs and future expectations to our interactions, the decisions we make, and how we show up as leaders.
Awareness and Understanding are Key
It isn’t necessary or wise to deny the stories we ride in on. Rather, it is important to become aware of and understand them. Awareness of our own stories may help us become more mindful and able to notice when they are influencing us in a workplace interaction. Self-understanding of our stories may help us develop the capacities to approach others with greater clarity and empathy. In turn, this may assist with increased effectiveness in communication, leading teams, and developing meaningful relationships. Further, curiosity about the stories others ride in on may help us bridge gaps in our own understanding and facilitate consensus building.
Here are some tips for how to work with your story:
- Practice active listening: Truly listen to understand other people’s perspectives and ask questions to more deeply understand what they think and why.
- Be curious to learn more about yourself: A coach can be a great partner with whom to explore the narratives you hold that drive your perspectives and views.
- Communicate with greater empathy: Acknowledge the influence of your own stories and articulate an interest to see the world through the eyes of others.
- Work with a leadership coach: Narrative coaching can offer a powerful framework for understanding and navigating stories and, where appropriate, replace them with a re-authored perspective.
Ultimately, recognizing the story we ride in on is a journey of self-awareness. It is a crucial step towards building a greater understanding of ourselves and more meaningful connections with others.